Vote For Me.

Okay, insetad of carping from the sidelines and giving out about the inane pointlessness of X-Factor (which, lets face it is like shooting fish in a barrell), I have decided to enter - and win - next year's competition. That's right folks, I'm in.

To get me through the first round I've decided to invent the wheel. But what's that you say? The wheel has already been invented? Doesn't matter. Everything that happens on X-Faxtor has already been done a hundred times. Once I've invented the wheel, right there on stage, all X-viewers will immediately forget that the wheel has already been invented and vote for me en masse.

Of course my wheel will be slightly less good than the already invented wheel, it will have some edges on it. This will make all X-viewers who use my wheel slightly uncomfortable. Perfect for X-Factor.
I'll sail through the opening round.

In the next round I've decided to discover fire. Whooooooosh. Fire! Right there on stage. But what's you say? Fire has already been discovered? This matters not. You forget that many X-viewers have the attention span of an over-fed goldfish and will immediately forget that they have fires at home already.
Of course my fire will be small and slightly less warm than previously discovered fires, making x-viewers who use my fire slightly less comfortable. Again, perfect for X-Factor.

This should see me safely through to the final where I plan to perform my greatest act yet. I'm going to invent the mobile telephone. Fantastic. But what's that you cry? The mobile telephone has already been invented? Worry not. X-viewers will soon forget this and will assume that the X-Factor version is the one they MUST have.

Naturally, my mobile phone will be slightly less mobile than previous versions, it will have a range of 10 - 15ft and will be connected to the wall, possibly via some form of electrical cable. X-viewers will adore this huge leap forward in communications and will worship me as a god, thus ensuring my victory over next year's fat Shirey Bassey-type sewage worker from Essex.

So, can I rely on your vote?